I think it’s fair to say that over the course of our time together I have proved my romantic credentials, but do I have the style and the grace to pull off the wedding of the century? I hear you ask. Well, just answer me this: Does a Bear Grylls shit in the woods?

After revisiting a few late night episodes of Don’t Tell The Bride, a reality show that hands a willing groom £12,000, three weeks, and completely free reign, to organise and execute the wedding of his bride’s dreams, I couldn’t help but think to myself: How hard can it be? In fact, I may have spoken out loud, because now my wife has given me this very challenge.

Having scaled back our wedding substantially, we often discuss the idea of renewing our vows with the ceremony that we deserve, and hence, I have been given the responsibility of designing our grand occasion to the same set of rules. This means finding the dress, the shoes, the flowers, the venue, the catering, and everything in between, while still having enough change in the budget for the hens to enjoy a bottle of White Lightening down at the local park.

After just a few days into the challenge, I’m already beginning to make some significant headway. There’s a quirky, yet elegant theme running through my ideas, which showcases enough character without taking away from the traditional experience, while many of the vital boxes are being ticked off at will. Thirty minutes for the wedding dress, thirteen minutes for the shoes, and a three minute YouTube video for the entertainment. I’ve even managed to get a couple of clowns booked. I’m only kidding of course, we’re not inviting that part of the family. In fact, speaking of the guest list, the seating arrangements are really beginning to come together…

It’s not all been easy, mind you. I may have found the ideal bridesmaid’s dress but it only comes in a size twelve, which is really going to narrow down the bridesmaid list, not to mention there are over 200 named shades of purple! Mauve, Plum, Periwinkle, Boysenberry, Fat Lip, and Bellend, to name but a few. Everything it seems, but plain and simple does-exactly-what-it-says-on-the-tin purple!

It’s from here that planning a wedding feels like tumbling down the rabbit hole. The subtle details are the ones that really define the occasion, yet these are the trickiest to attain and easy to get lost among. On Saturday morning I began a search for centrepieces on Etsy, and ten minutes later it was Monday. A clear vision and meticulous planning seems to be the only logical approach, neither of which is a skill that I particularly excel. Though if it’s one thing I never back down from, it’s a challenge.

As I see the idea of our dream wedding taking shape, I’m quietly confident that I’m going to blow my wife away, yet if all this fails, I’ve always got my smoulder…

If you’re thinking of hiring me for your summer extravaganza, then perhaps you’d like to follow this blog, or maybe join me on Facebook or Instagram, where I like to post things and stuff.