Returning home from a hard day’s work, I collapsed onto my spot in the living room, exhaling a heavy sigh of relief that the trials of the day were behind me. After a few moments of wriggling, I realised that something wasn’t quite right. The atmosphere felt uneasy, peculiar even. I could sense a great disturbance rising within me, like the time I discovered Oreo Thins in my shopping basket. Something was amiss. From the corner of my eye, I glimpsed the source of my troubles.
“Um, what is that?” I asked, cautiously.
“It’s a garden gnome,” said mother, beaming proudly.
“I know what it is,” I continued “But what is it doing in the house?”
“Well, it’s meant to rain this weekend. I didn’t want it getting ruined,”
As I paused for a moment to fully digest this development, she picked up the garden gnome and held it tight to her breast, embracing her new centrepiece like a new-born child.
“Mother?” I said firmly, stealing her gaze. “No.”
So, what’s been happening?
Occupying the president’s seat at the G20 like a top of the range toilet cosy, Ivanka Trump is the answer to the age old question; what if a blow up doll ran it’s own clothing line? She is just part of a presidential administration that is being run like a family owned bistro. While president Trump has publicly expressed his pride and admiration for his children, carrying the persona of a family man both loved and respected, the latest revelations regarding his son, Donald “Skittles” Trump Jr, could be about to test those loyalties. Advisors have encouraged Trump to distance himself from his son in regards to the latest email scandal to hit the headlines. Personally, I think they’ve been going about this Russia investigation all wrong. Taking a leaf from the casefile of Brendan Dassey, if the FBI warn Trump that he’ll miss WrestleMania unless he fully cooperates, they’ll have him singing like a canary in no time.
From one circus to another, Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor began their promotional tour for Brokeback Mountain 2, the story of a rags to riches Irishman who dreams of nothing more than to trade blood and fists inside Mayweather’s ring. While it doesn’t have the same appeal to the academy, tickets for the “fight of the century” have sold for eye watering sums, with many people insisting the spectacle will be as grand and as entertaining as Freddie vs Jason. I believe them.
Here in the UK, Michael Gove was welcomed back into Theresa May’s cabinet to assume the role of Environmental Secretary, or just “secretary” to his online friends. One can only presume that he’ll lose all appearance money from SeaWorld this summer.
While his appointment came back in June, Michael Gove has now made the announcement that the UK plans to ban all sales of petrol and diesel vehicles by the year 2040. Labelled as ambitious by some, given the significant improvements and investment needed in infrastructure, it is also seen by others as a lacklustre attempt to solve the problems that are very real, at this very moment in time.
In alternative news, Melissa McCarthy resigned as White House Press Secretary, and after another defeat for their healthcare bill, sources inside the Republican party are said to be consolidating by calling for an annual purge.
So, what have we been up to?
I’ve spent much of July focusing my energies on various creative projects, namely a collection of short stories that I began some time back. I’ve had an ambition to publish a book for as long as I can remember, and since the day that self-publishing became so readily available, I’ve encouraged myself to believe that this ambition can be realised. Despite my desire and abundance of ideas, I can never focus my mind long enough to bring a full novel to life, and so I decided a year ago to abandon this negative cycle and to try my hand at short stories. With five stories fully plotted, two written, and one fully edited into something I feel pleased about, I think that this new method of conditioning could be relatively successful.
This style of creative writing is something that I’ve never shared here before, and to describe myself as a budget Neil Gaiman would be nothing short of flattery, but a guy can dream. It’s so very different from the usual social commentary and opinion pieces that I throw together here, but it is nonetheless a part of me. A part of me that I hope you will be interested for me to share?
What have we been watching?
After six seasons and countless memes, winter is finally here. Game of Thrones has returned from it’s delayed production for the penultimate season of the ground-breaking series. Three episodes down and there has been an abundance of bloodshed, dragons, incest, and a god awful Ed Sheeran cameo, everything you need for some solid family entertainment. However, as I don’t wish to reveal any spoilers, I shall refrain from further discussion until this season’s conclusion, at which point I believe it to be fair game. Until that time, place your bets..
From possibly the greatest show on TV, to the greatest show not on TV, Neil Gaiman’s American Gods has finally been adapted for the screen by Amazon prime, and it is phenomenal. Bryan Fuller (Hannibal) takes the reins on series production, and reunites with director David Slade (Hannibal) to bring Neil Gaiman’s fantastic creation to life. It follows Shadow Moon, who is newly released from prison on the news of his wife’s death. Left adrift in the world, he is recruited by the mysterious Mr Wednesday, played with dazzling charisma by Ian McShane, to accompany him through a world where magic and gods are quite real. The on screen chemistry, the beautiful cinematography, and the sheer wonder of the story itself, creates for a truly immersing experience. This is an adaptation done right, and if rumours are to be true, Neil Gaiman has already discussed with Bryan Fuller the possibilities of bringing an even better creation to life. The Sandman.
So, what have we been reading?
For those of you that are fans of anything horror related, I’d like to recommend Lynsey’s Awesome Horror Blog, which does exactly what it says on the tin. Currently discussing the very best of vampire movies, this blog is for all those who would run towards a strange noise in the middle of the night. If you have a passion for the horror genre, this is most definitely the place for you.
This has been Randall’s Review, laughing through one day at a time..
Coming next month: We’ll mock the latest global news, look closer at the short stories I’m working on, and swoon over the one and only Poldark.