Today is the day that Donald Trump will be sworn into office as the 45th President of the United States, whether he likes it or not. Much like those who supported Brexit, he ran the campaign, he achieved the votes, and now he gets to realise just exactly what it is he’s won, just as soon as he packs up his New York penthouse.

The inauguration is tipped to be a low-key affair by Trump’s standards, with a 90 minute ceremony of patriotic flag waving and casual sexism, culminating in a guest appearance of nurse Ratched as she gently guides the new president to a nearby parked minibus.

Efforts to attain artists to perform for the president-elect have been somewhat fraught, while it’s my understanding that a late deal was struck with Andy Samberg and his Lonely Island team to perform “I’m on a boat” as Mr Trump glides down Pennsylvania avenue atop a balloon like it’s the Thanksgiving day parade. “Ah shit, get your towels ready it’s about to go down!” The cool winter breeze wafting through the worst hair piece since the Twilight movies.

Hillary Clinton will be in attendance on the off chance the people of America finally understand that 48% of the popular vote is larger than 46%. While scholars are frantically trying to redefine the word Democracy in order to justify future incursions on foreign soil.

Donald Trump is expected to make a speech with a duration of around 20 minutes, which should give everyone watching a clear reminder of what happens when a potato is left in the sun. Often these speeches have gone down in history. John F Kennedy famously said “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country” While a leak of Trump’s speech reads; “…Great things. Really, really great. Believe me, I know. People ask me, I tell them. Really great. Really great things,” which shall be met by uproarious applause from the masses draped in confederate flags, enjoying the refreshments from their complementary beer hats.

Four years lay ahead. Four years of a volatile Trump/Pence partnership who’s day to day decisions could come down to whether the White house stocked the right brand of baby powder. Four years of fragile diplomatic talks being swayed by one’s position on the chicken or the egg debate. Four years of unflinching satire in a world that is too bleak to look at without the aid of beer goggles.

Today isn’t the beginning of the tough times, but a strong reminder of all the struggles that remain ahead. A nation and a world of the divided. Before now it has all been speculation, yet from this moment forth, Donald Trump will be the president of the United States, and as such, should be made accountable for every action that he takes. We can be told to put our tissues away, accept the result, and get behind the new “leader of the free world”, but we’ll be watching, we’ll be listening, and we’ll be monitoring every move that he makes. Donald Trump is a PG-13 President, and never before has parental guidance been taken so seriously.

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